Miracle Myx Springs

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"What's your favorite season, Myx?"

I think it's good to put a photo subject at ease by engaging in a little banter. It always makes for a more natural picture when trying to take a candid shot. I've gotten so good at this that no one ever notices what I'm doing.

"You're using banter to try and put me at ease while you take a candid shot, right?"

"Puh-lease! Would I be that transparent?"

"You--Mr. Window Pane? Never. But, answering your question--which, by this setting with the flowering bush behind me, I would guess you want me to say 'spring'--my answer is fall," Myx said.

"And why is that?" I might as well continue the line of conversation even though Myx is a hard one to obfuscate (yeah--I looked it up!).

"The air becomes crisp after the humid August days and nights, the leaves change colors, and--hey!"

As Myx realized what I was doing, I snapped this pic for you.

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Miracle Myx Graduates

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"This is the best you could do?" Myx asked.

"Yeah ... I mean ... what do you mean?" Quick, eh?

"Just because it graduation season, you plunk me down next to a monument?"

"It's symbolic of the event, Myx." I said this with enough authority so it sounded like it made sense.

"You're thinking that sounded good, right?"

"Wrong again, Myx!" Dammit!

"Again? When was I wrong the first time? Anyway, do you think I'll ever graduate, Dave?"

"If our readers call for a sequal to MIRCLE MYX--who knows. Depends on the circumstances, Myx."

"Pomp and Circumstance, Dave."

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Miracle Myx At A Distance

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"How's everything, Myx?"

"What?"

"Are you going to pretend not to hear me?" I asked.

"What?"

Sometimes Myx played this particular game. If I got too far away from him, he would point it out in some fashion.

"I like this shot, so you just sit there and look pretty," I said.

"Oh, you think I'm pretty? That says something that I don't want to think about too much," Myx said.

"SO--you can hear me!" I yelled.

"What?"

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Miracle Myx Piles On

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"A pile of junk," Myx said.

"Aren't you being a little hasty?" I said. Hasty wasn't one of the things Myx was, but I thought this was the appropriate knee-jerk response at this point.

"How do you know something isn't gonna crawl outta this heap?"

"I don't ... I mean ... that's highly unlikely," I said. Good recovery, eh?

"Now why would you think this makes a good photo, Dave?"

"Picture this." Why not flow with the moment and let my imagination take off? I felt positively effusive out in the fresh air--fresh where I was, upwind of the smelly conglomeration Myx sat near. "You take all these objects out of the woods here and put them under some spotlight in a swanky New York gallery--and then what do you have?"

"An installation--a piece of art?"

Myx loved to play along when he wanted to prove how smart he was.

"Exactly--a creative masterpiece with hidden meanings!"

"But, out here ...." Myx invited.

"A pile of junk. Hold still." That's when I took this picture.

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Miracle Myx Gets Screwed

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"I'm trying to take something mundane and make it interesting," I said.

"And provocative with the 'screwing' thing."

"You noticed! I crack myself up," I said.

"So you're the one that laughs at these things," Myx added.

Myx was right--partially, I guess. I always write to amuse myself and then hope others will join in to see the wisdom and hilarity ... common sense and wit? ... err ... well--join in, anyway!

"At least I'm prominently featured here, with a good view of my cover," Myx said.

"Ready for your closeup, Myx?"

"I'm constantly ready--but, an anchor for a dog lead? Dave, this is a stretch, even for you."

"I liked the curly end of it and then thought of the title," I said.

"Talk about screwy!" Myx whispered.

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Miracle Myx Acts Grave

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"Memorial Day," Myx said.

"Yeah! Clever, huh?"

I didn't really expect Myx to agree, but this was a good opportunity to talk about death. Hey--what am I thinking?

"Nice of you to provide me with a headstone, Dave."

"Least I can do for my favorite book! The headstone engraver was a little surprised when I had him come back."

"Hasn't he ever had someone die twice?" Myx asked--as if that was entirely normal.

"He must lead a sheltered life, 'cause you were the first."

In MIRACLE MYX, Myx Amens has the unfortunate experince of dying--not just once--but twice. That not only doesn't stop him, but gives him a unique perspective on life and the living of it.

"Death isn't what you think," Myx said.

"It never is," I said. I thought that sounded smart without having to be so.

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Miracle Myx Locks Up

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"You subject's a little bit derogatory," Myx said.

"That's where I give it a little twisteroo ... a play on words."

"When, in MIRACLE MYX, do I ever lock up?"

"I see your point," I said. "You always have the next step figured out--something that actually unlocks the situation."

"So, you're gonna change the subject to something like 'MIRACLE MYX Picks Another,'" Myx said.

"Errr ... no," I said. "Although, in the book, you do make an awful good point about how to get a lock to work, and--"

"You know what point I'd like to see in you, Dave"

"What's that?" This couldn't be good.

"Lockjaw!" Myx seemed pleased with himself.

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Miracle Myx Cyles Through

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"This seat is uncomfortable," Myx said.

"As opposed to a cactus?"

"Hmmm. Maybe I can rethink this."

We were at the side of a local bike/walking path. This "art" piece had recently been installed. I, like you probably, have no idea what effect the officials in charge are going for.

"Nice color, don't you think, Myx?"

"You're baiting me, Dave."

"I didn't put one bicycle in MIRACLE MYX," I said.

"Not that I couldn't ride one if given the chance. How do I look up here?"

"Uncomfortable," I said.

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Miracle Myx And The Holy Grail

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"da-da-da-da ... da-da-da!"

"Catchy tune, Myx. We're back to Indiana Jones."

"Well--you did just see the new movie--and wouldn't take me, I might add," Myx said.

"Yeah--but I missed you," I lied.

"I'll pretend I believe you so we can talk about the Grail Diary. This is the one from the last movie."

"Myx, you know you have to put this back when we're done with it," Isaid.

"He'll never know it was gone," Myx said. "There were only 12 originals that were made for the movie--for use in the scenes themselves."

"This is the page that tells us to have faith ... that it will support us when our physical senses and minds tell us there is no way," I said

"The path of the Grail, it says."

"And where does that path lead to?"

"Enlightenment," Myx said with Sean Connery's accent.

I thought that was a fine way to end this conversation, but Myx thought it necessary to add:

"You had to get into the photo, Dave."

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Miracle Myx Whips It up

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"da-da-da-da ...da-da-da!"

"I get it, Myx--that's John Williams--that's the Indiana Jones theme song!

"Put a toothpick in your mouth and see if I can flick it out," Myx said.

"Yeah--that's gonna happen!"

"This is a 12-foot bullwhip here--shame to let it just sit. Our readers would love a demonstration."

Although I hadn't used the whip for several years, I took it out in the back yard and easily made it crack once more!

"Tell everybody what happened when you were learning to use this, Dave."

"Oh, I don't think they want to--"

"Dave used to hit himself accidentally as he drew the whip forward; the tongue and cracker would bite into his forearm and calf. Then he'd whimper and limp around like a spoiled princess."

"It hurt ... I mean ... I stoically pushed on until I mastered it." I think I salvaged my dignity nicely there!

"Get a toothpick," Myx said.

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Miracle Myx Circulates

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"Hundreds of libraries," I said.

"Yeah, you should see some of the places I'm in, Dave."

"Already!"

"It's only been a few weeks and here I am--getting read all across the country," Myx said.

"Now we need those people that read MIRACLE MYX to go out and tell someone else about it so they can read it too!"

"It would help if they write something--a review, a blog, a note to their mothers, fathers, relatives, teachers, classmates, church members, cult members, cell mates ...." Myx finally took a breath.

"Are you done?" I asked.

"... club members, reading groups, choirs, sports teams, debating teams ..." Myx went on for a long, long time.

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Miracle Myx Pieces It Together

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"You're not gonna ...?"

"Gonna what?" Myx asked.

"Give a lecture on Johnny Appleseed."

"Why did you choose this if not for that?"

"I was thinking more of the jigsaw quote there," I said.

"Because of the important role my puzzle-solving abilities serve in MIRACLE MYX?"

"Yeah. Are you only going to ask questions today?"

"Would that annoy you?"

"Myx, for someone who can sense emotions in a dozen ways, that's an inane question."

"A dozen?"

"Well--now I'm beginning to wonder," I said. Questioning Myx's abilities would get him out of that stupid interrogation mode.

"Did I plant a seed of doubt?" Myx asked.

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Miracle Myx Feels Pane

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"This is one you'll have to explain--even to me, Dave"

I have to admit, I've taken a lot of pics of Myx in strange places, with unusual objects, and under challenging conditions--but, next to a pane of glass was different even for me!

"See the arrow I put in, Myx?"

"Kinda hard to see before you even take the photo, Dave."

"Would it kill you to play along? I'm gonna Photoshop in an arrow pointing to the BB hole there."

"Ohhh! Now it's interesting," Myx said.

This seemed like a good time to ignore Myx's sarcasm and go on with my explanation.

"Although I didn't make this hole, I sure shattered lotsa glass with my trusty Daisy BB gun when I was young. I just loved target practice and spent many happy hours shooting it."

"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!"

"I kinda wish I had my gun right about now," I said.

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Miracle Myx Steps Up

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"You must be enjoying the spring weather, Myx," I said.

"Lots better than the icy days--and nights-where you've taken me outside and plunked me on some arctic surface."

"Oh Myx, you exaggerate!"

"You're just seeing how that sounds, right?"

"Yeah, all for effect!" I said.

"Yanno, Dave--we're lucky."

"How's that, Myx?" I was ready for some barb or jab that Myx usually had ready for me.

"I mean ... we get to go out and look for cool scenes and invite people on the internet to join us and even read MIRACLE MYX to see what I'm really like."

So--in the center of a small town in Massachusetts, on a warm spring day, with cars passing by not even fast enough to disturb the birds--Myx and I paused at the gazebo.

"Yeah, Myx, you're right," I said, "we're real lucky."

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Miracle Myx Blooms

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"I think I stand up rather well against the colors, don't you think, Dave."

"You're here on a beautiful day, surrounded by these lovely flowers, and all you can think of is how you look?--that you won't be overshadowed?"

"You say that like it's a bad thing!" Myx replied.

"I forgot who I was talking to. I suppose you'll have some obscure fact about tulips for us," I said.

"Obscure to you, maybe. I won't bore you with--"

"Thank goodness!"

"--with any of the scientific jargon." Myx didn't even react to my interruptions any more. "But--tulips are originally from the Ottoman Empire, not from Holland as we all seem to think. Turkey, Iran, Afghanistan--this is where they came from, and were bought to Holland in the 16th century. The muslim word for gauze, tulband, was turned into 'turban' and the Dutch thought tulips looked liked turbans--and there you have it!" Myx seemed happy with his dissertation.

"You're not going to tell the joke, right?"

"The joke? The one about what's better than roses on a piano?" Myx couldn't resist.

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Miracle Myx Is Treed

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"You can hardly see me," Myx said.

"People know it's you after all this time."

"You mean just because it's my blog and there's always a photo of me here?"

"Our blog--and sure, out viewers can fill in the blanks if you've not quite as visible on one day. I think it makes for a more interesting shot, to tell you the truth," I said.

"Telling the truth again, are we?"

"Only when it helps," I said.

"You know what kind of tree this is, Dave?"

"That's a ruff one, Myx. I'll have to scratch my head and try and fetch and answer so you don't wag your finger--if you had a finger--at me."

"Dogwood, wiseass!"

"Do you know the myth about the dogwood, Myx?"

"About how the cross Jesus was nailed to was a dogwood and after that it never grew big enough to make another cross out of?"

Dammit! Why do I ever ask Myx any trivia?

"No," I countered, "the myth that any book that sits in its branches gets fleas."

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Miracle Myx Gets The Massage

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"Do you think my subject title is cute, Myx?"

"It's so obvious: "massage" and "message."

"Obvious is bad?"

"Cuteness is based on surprise, recognition of the play on words," Myx said. "This barely cuts the cute barrier."

"I'll take your word for there being such a barrier. How do you like this setting? All comfy there. I hope you don't just drop off to sleep," I said.

We were at the sumptuous digs of Stella Dieci Mini Spa, and Myx was occupying one of the many comfortable massage tables.

"I love it here," Myx said, affecting a dozy voice. "But, as you well know, Dave--I haven't slept in over 3 years--so don't look for me to drop off soon.

"Must have it's drawbacks--not sleeping."

"It does give me time for other things," Myx said. He was leading me on, I knew.

"Like what?"

"Like coming up with a really cute subject title--if I wanted!"

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Miracle Myx Makes Tracks

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"Feel that?" Myx asked.

"Not feeling anything but the cool breeze, Myx."

"The rumbling, the ground vibrating--you're telling me you don't feel that?

"Nope. Quit the jitters--it's unmanly," I said.

"What do you know about being manly, Dave"

"I've read stuff," I said.

"Get me off the tracks and I'll tell all our readers all your good qualities," Myx said.

"Myx, you know I'm much too modest for that! And--we don't have that kind of time!"

"Was that a whistle?" Myx shouted.


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Miracle Myx Shoots

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"You know this won't work for long, Dave."

"You probably give me too much credit for knowing too much," I said.

"I'm balanced," Myx said.

"And me?" I thought I'd give myself some time--although, Myx was right--his position didn't guarantee much time at all.

"Too easy, Dave; you know you're unbalanced."

"Not going to give me any scholarly discourse on cannons?"

"Nor canons," Myx said.

"Homophone?" I asked.

"Am I getting predictable? Get me offa here!" Myx said.

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Miracle Myx Lasers In

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"Let me get that freckle for you, Dave," Myx offered.

"I'll just be fine without any treatment, Myx."

"You know what else they use the ol' Q-Yag 5 for?"

"Do I have to know?"

"Only if you want to tie it into MIRACLE MYX in the vague and tenuous way you usually do," Myx said.

"NOW you got my interest, Myx--roll on, my friend!"

"This is a cosmetic laser, Dave. It can be used to remove skin lesions, but--more importantly to us ...?"

Myx was giving me an opening here, but nothing was coming to me, even though I knew it should be obvious.

"Errr...." was all I could come up with.

"Tattoo removal, Dave. Tattoos!"

"Tattoos are clues in MIRACLE MYX," I said. "They were removed in a whole different way in the book."

"Yeah," said Myx, "they were--"

"I wonder if that thing works on book covers," I added before Myx could give away any of the story's secrets.

"Errr...." It was Myx's turn to be speechless.

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Miracle Myx Floats Like A Butterfly

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"Transform," I said.

"Is this gonna be a serious one?" Myx asked.

"With you?"

"Yeah--good point."

"Here you are, sitting above the very symbol of transformation, Myx. You want to tell our readers a little about your own transformation?"

"You know I'm too modest to go into details about what happens to me in MIRACLE MYX."

"OK, I'll give a little insight into--"

"You see, I had two life-changing events happen," Myx began.

It seemed that his false modesty had given away as soon as he saw I was going to take center stage and expound.

"The first gave me supercharged synesthesia, a mingling of my senses that lets me remember every detail I experience and replay them at will. The other left me sleepless."

"In Seattle?" I thought I'd inject a little levity (yeah--I looked it up!) into such an uncharacteristic litany by Myx.

"Seattle, Boston--and everywhere in between." Myx, of course, knew how to play along.

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Miracle Myx Steps Up

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"Step right up!" Myx said.

"That was already in the subject line. Aren't you being repetitive?"

"The subject line wasn't full of my verve and enthusiasm," Myx said.

""Enthusiasm? So you don't mind being on a stepladder?"

"No wind, and I can see farther from here. So--no, this is pretty good today."

It was always nice to find one of those seldom-experienced scenes that Myx actually liked. It was a beautiful day, and Myx's attitude made it even more so.

"I know you, Myx. Something else is making you happy: what is it?"

"Well, yanno how all those libraries across the country have MIRACLE MYX in them now ...?"

"Yeah, I'm glad that--"

"I'm getting checked out on a regular basis and people are reading all about my little adventures in Miracle, Massachusetts!"

"And how about all the people buying you online and at the bookstores!" I might as well spur Myx on to even greater euphoria.

"Move me up a step, so I can see even better," Myx said. So much for euphoria.

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Miracle Myx Goes Potty

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"You can't imagine the stink down here," Myx said.

"Imagine it is all I want to do," I said.

We were visiting a long line of porta-potties. I thought this angle made a good background for Myx.

"There's not a breath of wind to blow these noxious gases away, Dave. They're all just building up an ammonia sea that I can't swim out of."

"You expect me to throw you a life preserver before I take my shot--not a chance," I said. At least I was a few feet away from the offensive stench.

"If I could cough and gag, I would," Myx said.

"Myx, if you could cough and gag ... hmmm? There must be a good ending to that--but I can't think of it!" I said brightly. Maybe a little humor would take Myx's pages--I mean mind--off his present predicament (a little alliteration goes a long way!).

"Dave, please tell me you don't have to go before we go."

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Miracle Myx Hoops It Up

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"Don't move," I said.

"Move--I'm not even breathing," Myx said.

"A book can breathe?"

"For being the author of both the book and the blog, Dave, you really don't have a firm grasp on what and where and how this all works."

"And ... you point is?"

"Yeah--good question. Just hurry; I'm 10 feet up here."

Myx had taken tumbles from lower heights than this, and lived to complain about it. I could only imagine if some wayward gust blew him off this perch.

"Don't worry Myx. After I take this photo, I'll sky up there and get you down--maybe dunk the rock in the process."

"Dave, when you jump, I couldn't wedge my credit card between your feet and the ground," Myx said.

"A book has a credit card?"

"We're back to that?" Myx said.

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Miracle Myx Mounts Up

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"Tally-ho!" I said.

"Do you even know what that means, Dave?"

I thought that since the Kentucky Derby had just been run, this was a good chance to use an equestrian setting.

"I know part of it," I answered.

"Which part?" Myx usually asks questions only to trip me up.

"The 'ho' part! I said. "Gotcha!"

"Figures. Tally-ho was an old Norman phrase used by William the Conquerer while hunting stag. It's used now during fox hunts. Also used by pilots in situations about spotting air traffic."

Myx, as always, was a wealth of information--all of it interesting, but very little of any use in daily life unless you're going of Jeopardy.

"You're not going to post that pic of you at Churchill Downs, where the Kentucky Derby is run?" Myx asked. Myx's voice implied that this would be a shameful thing to do.

"No," I said. Myx would never know--unless YOU told him.

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