Miracle Myx Barrels Ahead

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"Careful," Myx said.

"You noticed how gently I leaned you in there," I said.

"Don't you think we've just about done the cactus thing to death, Dave?"

"If I were in contact with it, yes. As long as you're volunteering to--"

"When do I ever volunteer for your wacky pictures?"

"Would it kill you to play along once in a while?" I guess this is the kind of question I don't expect to be answered.

"You're thinking that that's a rhetorical question, aren't you?"

"No," I said. Hey, it's still not a crime to lie to a book in Arizona! "I'm thinking this thing has pretty flowers."

"This is a barrel cactus. Native Americans boiled young flowers to eat like cabbage and boiled the older ones for a drink. This is also known as a candy barrel cactus because they used to make candy out of its flesh."

Because of his brilliant synesthetic eidetic memory, Myx had an encyclopedic knowledge of--

"You're thinking how smart I am," Myx said.

"No I'm not," I replied.

Still not a crime!

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Miracle Myx Out on A Limb

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"He's gonna do it," Myx said.

"Who's he? And, what's he going to do?"

"Just hurry up."

Myx did sound more insistent than usual. Which is saying something. We were at a beautiful recreation park in Tucson. There were people strolling with their kids in summer clothes. This made me smile as I thought of the weather report I had gotten from back home in Massachusetts: cold, windy, and with a wintery mix. And, speaking of Myx ....

"This is a wonderful shot, Myx--unusual and engaging." I love it when I convince myself, even if most of it is delusional.

"He's gettin' ready ...!"

"Who are you talking about?"

Myx had lots of quirks, but paranoia wasn't one of them. Maybe he just added it.

"Just relax," I said, "and we'll be done in a--"

"The pigeon ... the pigeon sitting on top of this tree--it's aiming for me--I can feel it!" Myx whipsered.

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Miracle Myx Fires Up

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"Ring the bell!"

"Myx, I don't think this engine has a bell. Besides, that would be startling to the others in the museum."

"And ...?"

"Hmmmm. Good point. Draw a little attention to ourselves and then--"

"Speaking of ourselves ... what are you doing in the photo?" Myx asked.

"Somebody's gotta drive this rig." I said it like it made sense. But, when Myx and I argue, sense isn't necessarily a priority.

"In MIRACLE MYX, I do some driving," Myx said.

"Illegally, I might add."

"Dave, if you drove a fire truck, every building would burn down before you got there. Tell everyone what Kristin says about your driving."

"They wouldn't want to hear--"

"Dave drives so slowly that whenever he takes his daughter anywhere, she turns to look in the back seat to see if Miss Daisy is sitting there," Myx said, obviously amused.

"They didn't need to know that."

"Ring the bell," Myx said.

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Miracle Myx Backs Up

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"You're gonna get hit," Myx said.

"Nonsense."

Although that sounded good, and I blurted it out without any thought to why Myx would give me any warning--I had to wonder ....

"When you get that camera in your hand, you stop looking at anything other than what's in front of your lens," Myx said.

"This goin' somewhere, or is it a general mutter?"

"I'm just saying that you're out in the middle of the street--not aware of your surroundings."

"That's what I have you for, Myx ... to look out for me, to make sure I'm safe and secure!" I said.

"And why would I do that?" Myx said.

"So you don't become an orphan, left spine out on some lonely shelf or thrown in some abandoned stack somewhere," I said.

"Car comin', Dave!" Myx said cheerily.

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Miracle Myx Curbside

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"I hope you appreciate this, Dave," Myx said.

"That you haven't complained once today?"

"I'm gonna do what most people find a time-saving, stress-reducing strategy when dealing with you: ignore you. I hope you appreciate the view of a saguaro forest."

We were on Route 10 heading north from Tucson to Phoenix, riding through mile after mile of seemingly unending beauty. But suddenly the hills were alive--no, not with the sound of music--but with a startling density of saguaro cactus (I refuse to use the Latin plural, cacti!).

"Didn't notice," I replied.

"Didn't notice! ... ohhh, you're baiting me," Myx said.

"Ignore that! Myx, what do you like best about this photo?"

"That the cactus are in the background and I'm not being forced to ride one," Myx said.

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Miracle Myx Is Wired

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"You take it easy, Myx," I said.

"Uuhh," said Myx.

"You'll be fine if you don't squirm--or a wind doesn't come up."

"Nnnaaa."

"Shhh! You just hang in there and let me do all the heavy lifting today!" I sounded very positive and was proud of myself.

"Waaaa!"

"Myx, that's razor wire you're on. Just hold your breath," I said.

Silence.

"Some people call it Constantine wire, which is a corruption of another type of barrier: concertina wire. Interesting, huh?"

Silence.

"We're lucky to have found this here in Tucson. I've been wanting to take a photo of you and the wire at the Framingham Mass Correctional Institution or MCI, the female prison. But, the wire there is so high on the fence ... yep, we're lucky to find this!"

Silence.

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Miracle Myx Down To The Bones

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"You don't know what this is, do you, Dave?"

"It's a good stand for a photo is what it is," I said with my usual misplaced confidence.

"Look around you and tell me what you see," Myx said.

"Desert--sandy gravel, cactus, unrelenting sun ...."

"You already said it."

"This is a piece of the sun?" I crack myself up!

"No--cactus. This is cactus bones I'm on," Myx said.

"A cactus has bones?"

"Saguaro do. They need reinforcement--they can grow up to 50 feet high."

"So you're sitting on a skeleton?"

"You're not going to tell that skeleton joke, are--"

"A skeleton walks into a bar," I said, "and says to the bartender 'Give me a beer ... and a mop!'"

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Miracle Myx Purrs

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"I think Eddie likes you, Myx." Of course I had no idea what would happen next.

"If by liking me, you mean sniffing, licking, and nudging--then you may be right."

"That's how I judge if someone likes me!" I said. I didn't think Myx would appreciate my remark, but I enjoyed the moment anyway.

"You know I'm gonna take a tumble, Dave."

"At least you're on a soft couch. Think of the recent places you could've fallen."

"Good point. How is Eddie staying awake?"

Eddie was Janee's cat, and literally could not keep his eyes open all day. Last year, during an RV trip I shared to Cape Cod with Janee and her husband, Michael, Eddie slept so much and was so listless the first day, I thought he was very ill. Then, I found he was a "creature of the night." The cat continually pounced on me as I tried to sleep!

"You know 'Eddie' is short for Oedipus," Myx said.

"Maybe we won't go there," I replied.

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Miracle Myx Races On

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"You can't complain about this, Myx." I sounded confident.

"Can't--or won't?"

"I figured I'd give you a little rest after yesterday's encounter with the cactus. See! You're all better."

"So easy for you to say, Dave. You just put me in peril, regardless of the danger or discomfort, and--"

"You look good on that turtle, Myx." Why let him get started? That makes for a long day.

"Actually, this is a tortoise."

Bingo! I'd hit one of Myx's "soft" areas: his endless delight at recalling strange facts that had become indelibly inked onto his synapses because of his synesthesia. Even though he might have seen something just once in print or in person, Myx remembered it exactly, and in the greatest detail. I might as well let him continue.

"How can you tell?" Heh, heh!

"Although both turtles and tortoises belong to the division of reptiles called chelonians, turtles live near the water and entirely submerge themselves. Tortoises live in arid areas and walk on sandy ground. This looks sandy to me, Dave."

"I bet I remember that for well over an hour, Myx," I said.

"I wish I was on a turtle; they have flatter backs. Hurry up before I fall."

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Miracle Myx Gets Stuck

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"OOWWW!"

"Quit complaining," I said.

"This is a bad idea!"

"Our readers will love this shot, Myx," I said. Maybe I was projecting a little too much.

"OOWWW!"

"Come on--I set you down there as gently as I could."

"My ass!" Myx grunted.

"Why don't you dazzle us all with your knowledge by telling us what kind of cactus that is, Myx?"

"URRFF!"

I took the photo and gingerly lifted Myx off the cactus. Wuddaya know? Many of the cactus needles had embedded themselves into the flesh of the book--not only between the pages, but some had even injected themselves into the thickness of a single page for more than a quarter of an inch. It took some time to pick them all out.

"Prickly pear cactus," Myx said. His voice was raspy and tired.

"Hmmm?" I mumbled, distracted by my cactus needle extractions.

"And, Dave, speaking of pricks ...."

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Miracle Myx Meets Maddie

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"I think you've made a new friend, Myx."

"Don't make any sudden moves, Dave."

"Maddie's just playful. She wouldn't hurt a fly," I said.

"Flies I'm not worried about--it's that slobbering tongue ...."

Myx was getting acquainted with Maddie, my friend Janee's dog. She was a black lab that was a bundle of kind energy. She would go "goonie"--run, roll, and prance happily--at the slightest provocation. Right now she was behaving nicely, but provocation was always just around the corner. And, a trouncing for MIRACLE MYX surely was in that same location.

"Just hold still, Myx--and keep your voice down," I said.

"You think Maddie can hear me?"

"You don't want to test it out, do you?"

"Good point," Myx whispered.

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Miracle Myx Abandoned

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"You left me," Myx said.

"It was unintentional," I said.

"You left me."

"I was momentarily distracted, Myx. That's all. You should have spoken up."

"I'm a book, Dave. Speaking up is largely what you make of it."

Towards the end of our visit to the Hall of Flame Museum in Phoenix, I had taken this photo of Myx. Something else got my attention--I was reading of all the valiant firefighters who had sacrificed in the line of duty. My father had been a firefighter for 33 years, and my brother is an active member of the local department now--so, seeing this exhibit meant something personal to me.

I finished my tour, bought some souvenirs, and was about to walk out when I stopped and literally said, "Where's Myx?" The title of this blog finally had some tangible relevance!

The jaded and weathered retired firefighter that ran the whole show by himself saw my distress and asked what was wrong. I told him I forgot my book. He asked, in a bored voice, if it was the one I had been taking photos of outside! Like that happened every day!

I ran back and found Myx patiently (for him) waiting near the bell.

"You left me," he said.

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Miracle Myx Bears All

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"Maybe I should have gotten a better angle on 'Mokey's' hat!" I thought I would cut short any of Myx's insults about my photo by stating the obvious.

"Smokey the Bear, Smokey the Bear!" Myx sang.

"Myx, how would you know that song?"

"Prowlin' and a-growlin' and a-sniffin' the air--"

"You're not going to make any cracks about being afraid of a bear hug?"

"He can find a fire before it starts to flame--"

"Or that he's got a bit of a paunch?"

"That's why they call him Smokey,"

"Or that he--"

"Dave, together on 3: one, two, three--"

So, in a nearly-deserted museum in Phoenix, Arizona, Myx and I belted out the last line to a song I had heard so many times in my childhood:

"That was how he got his name!"

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Miracle Myx Ducks Out

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"I'm sure you think this is funny," Myx said.

"I think it's interesting," I said.

"These ducks are eying me like I'm a piece of bread."

"They're ignoring you, Myx. You have nothing to worry about."

We were in a large park just beside Hi Corbett Field. It had a recreation area for kids and a large pond filled with wildlife: swans, geese, and ducks. I thought Myx would like to mingle.

"Do you hear them? They're planning something."

"Myx, do you mean to tell me you can speak 'duck' now?"

"I know 'danger' in any language," Myx said.

"The biggest danger you're in is getting fowl poop on you!"

"OH SH%#! Myx said.

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Miracle Myx Radiates

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"This is just wrong!" Myx said.

"I'm sure I'll be fine," I answered.

"YOU! You'll be fine! What about me? They put this sign here for a reason: it's to keep sensible people away from this area."

"And what's the key word you just used?" I'd jar Myx back to reality.

"Errr ... sensible? I forgot who I was dealing with."

"Silly book! Besides, I know a little about radiation, and you have nothing to worry about," I said.

We were outside the Titan Missile Museum in Sahuarita, AZ. I wasn't going to let Myx spoil a good shot with groundless fears.

"If it's so safe, Dave--why don't you get closer?"

"Hmmm? Maybe I am sensible!" I said while I snapped this photo.

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Miracle Myx Gets Poisoned

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"Now--this is where I should be!"

I liked the sound of Myx today. Enthusiasm, exuberance, optimism--well, the lack of insults or arguing was enough for me.

"I have to agree with you, Myx. A mystery like you and a great mystery bookstore seem to be a perfect combination," I said.

We were at The Poisoned Pen in Scottsdale, AZ. It's an independent bookstore specializing in mysteries and thrillers. Their slogan is "It's more than a bookstore, it's an experience."--and I can tell you from my (I mean our) experience, that this is indeed true.

I was there to introduce my mystery, MIRACLE MYX, and drop off a Kunati catalog. The staff was very helpful and interested, and I was invited to send them an ARC (Advanced Review Copy). The ultimate goal is for The Poisoned Pen to make Myx available to their visitors.

"A great bookstore like this is the perfect place for a great mystery like me!"

"Myx, that's just cocky," I said.

"And, your point is ...?"

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Miracle Myx Gets Rockie

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"What are you doing in the photo?" Myx asked.

"I thought I'd show I was out here in Tucson too!"

Myx, for all his complaining about having to take a daily photo for this blog, was pretty possessive about the spotlight. Any time anyone or anything else shared the pixel acreage, Myx let me know about it. That included me double!

"You got a lotta ... errr ... nerve wearing that Red Sox hat around here," Myx said.

We were outside Hi Corbett Field, the spring training home of the Colorado Rockies in Tucson. The Rockies were coming off a fantastic 20 plus-game-winning streak at the end of last year's season--only to go on to a heartbreaking 4-game sweep in the World Series by my Red Sox.

"They probably won't notice my hat, and I'm sure it's all forgive and forget," I said.

"I'm not going with you to the exhibition game tomorrow yanno--especially if you wear the Sox shirt along with that hat. You're gonna be a stranger in a strange land, Dave."

I had tickets for the Rockies vs. Angels game the next day. Of course I was going to represent the Red Sox in a show of good sporting fun.

"I'm sure everyone will greet me with the respect due the World Series Champions," I said.

"What planet are you getting transmissions from, Dave? And, I'm beggin' ya--don't say that line you've been trying out."

"You mean: 'This is the fifth Colorado Rockies exhibition game I've seen--counting the 4 World Series games!'"

"That's the one. Who's gonna take care of me after you get your ass kicked?" He sounded serious.

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Miracle Myx Goes West

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"How do you like the Saguaro, Myx?"

"It's pronounced 'sah-wah-roh' and I like it just fine as long as you keep me away from the pricklies."

We were in the Tucson, Arizona area for a neat little vacation. The nights were very cool, but as soon as the sun came up, it was comfortably warm. The air had a different feel than back East--thinner and more drinkable, every breath refreshing.

"That's what I said: Saguaro."

"You pronounced it 'seg-gay-roh'--not even close," Myx said.

Myx loves to feel superior, which he is--but it makes for annoying outings to be constantly corrected.

"Anyway," I said, "that sah-wah-roh (I was careful this time to pronounce it to Myx's satisfaction) is a magnificent product of nature. That's probably over 50 years old."

"Technically, in your sad underestimation, you're right. It's over 50 years old since this variety of cactus doesn't even start to grow an arm until it's 75 years old. So you do the math," Myx said.

"I refuse to do math in such a beautiful setting," I said.

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Miracle Myx Escalates

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"Going up!" I said it with my cheery voice.

"This doesn't look silly, does it," Myx said.

"Not a bit." I sounded confident as usual; it's best when Myx asks a question.

"How come the people behind you are smiling?"

"They're friendly?"

"Yeah, that's it," Myx said.

"I bet lots of people take photos of their book."

"Really?"

"Sounded good," I said.

"Going up!" Myx said. He had decided to play along.

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Miracle Myx Goes Global

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"I'm on top of the world!"

"Feeling pretty good, Myx?" I asked

"I'm on top of the world!"

"You like it up there?"

"I'm on top of the world!"

"You don't care that it's cold and dark?"

"I'm on top of the world!"

"Don't you think that may sound arrogant if taken the wrong way?" I know how Myx gets when he wants to drive home a point.

"I'm on top of the world!"

"That's all you're going to say today, isn't it?"

"I'm on ... no, because I want Janee to know I had a great time and that at least she treats me the way you should!" Myx said.

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Miracle Myx Looks Drained

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"Lookin' good, Myx"

I had found a half-buried drain by accident along the road. We (Myx & I) had just finished taking some breathtaking, innovative, and artistic photos (OK--they're like the stuff you've been seeing all along)--and hadn't seen this perfect photo op until the return trip to the car. Luckily, my infallible esthetic sense kicked in and a new masterpiece was about to be born.

"I think I hear water," Myx said.

"It's been dry for a month. I don't think there's much chance of that."

"You never know--I remember once, there was a dam, and--"

"This is going to be a good shot: leaves, sun, a drain covered by debris--all the elements for a dramatic shot that will last in the memories of our readers for years!"

"Who are you trying to convince?" Myx asked.

"Myself," I answered.

"I hear water."

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Miracle Myx Mails It In

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"I could fall in," Myx said.

"Impossible," I countered deftly. The deftly part makes me feel better even though I know Myx wouldn't agree.

"What would you do if I got accidentally mailed to some far off land?"

"Wave?"

"Sometimes I don't think you appreciate the way I cooperate with your little enterprise," Myx said.

"Little?"

"Is that how it's going to be today? I say something, and you counter with some lame one-word question?"

"Lame?"

Myx started to sound short-tempered. Maybe I should lay off.

"Let's just hurry; it's cold out here," Myx said.

"Cold?"

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Miracle Myx Says Stop

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"I always said your looks could stop traffic," I said--kinda pleased with my own wit.

"You really don't care about the looks we're getting as the cars grind to a halt while you set this up, do you?"

"Myx, my back is to those cars. Besides, they probably think something interesting or important is about to happen." I sounded more positive than I felt.

"They see you, and they think something interes--"

"Lots of people find me fascinating." Myx was making me defensive.

"Name one," Myx said.

"We have to finish this, and I don't have time for your quizzes. I have a quiz for you: tell me about the stop sign." I knew Myx couldn't resist.

"Originally black letters on white. Standardized with the octagonal shape in 1922 by the AASHO."

"AASHO?" I couldn't pass THAT up!

"American Association of State Highway Officials. Now--name one!

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Miracle Myx Looks Stumped

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"You could have picked a better one," Myx said.

"This one has character, wouldn't you say?"

"Is that what you authors are calling it these days?"

Myx rarely acknowledged that I wrote anything, even this blog--so calling me an author was either a slip (which, although possible, was improbable with Myx), or he was setting me up for something later.

"This stump stinks," Myx said.

"Alliteration?"

"No Dave, it really stinks--it's rotten with a capital ROT. Let's finish up and get me into some fresh air.

"I thought my title was clever, about the stump thing ... because you're rarely stumped by anything."

"Is that the deal: I have to admit you're clever before you'll move me?"

That hadn't occurred to me, but I found it hard to resist, so I said, "Yes!"

Myx held his breath for a long, long time.

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Miracle Myx Lights Up

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"I don't want to hear any complaints today," I said.

"When do I ever complain?"

"Myx, you--"

"I do like it here; it's new and bright--and warm."

"I thought you'd enjoy being inside. And, you get to mingle with all your buddies, the other books," I said.

"Inside is good. Why can't we do all our photos inside when the weather is cold, or snowy, or rainy, or ... get the idea?"

"Lots of interesting stuff happens outside, and you have to admit, we meet nice people interested in what we're doing," I said.

"Interested might be stretching the point," Myx said. "By the way, these other books don't like you."

"Huh?" was all I could come up with.

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