Miracle Myx Out on A Limb

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"He's gonna do it," Myx said.

"Who's he? And, what's he going to do?"

"Just hurry up."

Myx did sound more insistent than usual. Which is saying something. We were at a beautiful recreation park in Tucson. There were people strolling with their kids in summer clothes. This made me smile as I thought of the weather report I had gotten from back home in Massachusetts: cold, windy, and with a wintery mix. And, speaking of Myx ....

"This is a wonderful shot, Myx--unusual and engaging." I love it when I convince myself, even if most of it is delusional.

"He's gettin' ready ...!"

"Who are you talking about?"

Myx had lots of quirks, but paranoia wasn't one of them. Maybe he just added it.

"Just relax," I said, "and we'll be done in a--"

"The pigeon ... the pigeon sitting on top of this tree--it's aiming for me--I can feel it!" Myx whipsered.

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Miracle Myx Fires Up

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"Ring the bell!"

"Myx, I don't think this engine has a bell. Besides, that would be startling to the others in the museum."

"And ...?"

"Hmmmm. Good point. Draw a little attention to ourselves and then--"

"Speaking of ourselves ... what are you doing in the photo?" Myx asked.

"Somebody's gotta drive this rig." I said it like it made sense. But, when Myx and I argue, sense isn't necessarily a priority.

"In MIRACLE MYX, I do some driving," Myx said.

"Illegally, I might add."

"Dave, if you drove a fire truck, every building would burn down before you got there. Tell everyone what Kristin says about your driving."

"They wouldn't want to hear--"

"Dave drives so slowly that whenever he takes his daughter anywhere, she turns to look in the back seat to see if Miss Daisy is sitting there," Myx said, obviously amused.

"They didn't need to know that."

"Ring the bell," Myx said.

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Miracle Myx Backs Up

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"You're gonna get hit," Myx said.

"Nonsense."

Although that sounded good, and I blurted it out without any thought to why Myx would give me any warning--I had to wonder ....

"When you get that camera in your hand, you stop looking at anything other than what's in front of your lens," Myx said.

"This goin' somewhere, or is it a general mutter?"

"I'm just saying that you're out in the middle of the street--not aware of your surroundings."

"That's what I have you for, Myx ... to look out for me, to make sure I'm safe and secure!" I said.

"And why would I do that?" Myx said.

"So you don't become an orphan, left spine out on some lonely shelf or thrown in some abandoned stack somewhere," I said.

"Car comin', Dave!" Myx said cheerily.

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Miracle Myx Curbside

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"I hope you appreciate this, Dave," Myx said.

"That you haven't complained once today?"

"I'm gonna do what most people find a time-saving, stress-reducing strategy when dealing with you: ignore you. I hope you appreciate the view of a saguaro forest."

We were on Route 10 heading north from Tucson to Phoenix, riding through mile after mile of seemingly unending beauty. But suddenly the hills were alive--no, not with the sound of music--but with a startling density of saguaro cactus (I refuse to use the Latin plural, cacti!).

"Didn't notice," I replied.

"Didn't notice! ... ohhh, you're baiting me," Myx said.

"Ignore that! Myx, what do you like best about this photo?"

"That the cactus are in the background and I'm not being forced to ride one," Myx said.

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Miracle Myx Is Wired

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"You take it easy, Myx," I said.

"Uuhh," said Myx.

"You'll be fine if you don't squirm--or a wind doesn't come up."

"Nnnaaa."

"Shhh! You just hang in there and let me do all the heavy lifting today!" I sounded very positive and was proud of myself.

"Waaaa!"

"Myx, that's razor wire you're on. Just hold your breath," I said.

Silence.

"Some people call it Constantine wire, which is a corruption of another type of barrier: concertina wire. Interesting, huh?"

Silence.

"We're lucky to have found this here in Tucson. I've been wanting to take a photo of you and the wire at the Framingham Mass Correctional Institution or MCI, the female prison. But, the wire there is so high on the fence ... yep, we're lucky to find this!"

Silence.

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Miracle Myx Down To The Bones

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"You don't know what this is, do you, Dave?"

"It's a good stand for a photo is what it is," I said with my usual misplaced confidence.

"Look around you and tell me what you see," Myx said.

"Desert--sandy gravel, cactus, unrelenting sun ...."

"You already said it."

"This is a piece of the sun?" I crack myself up!

"No--cactus. This is cactus bones I'm on," Myx said.

"A cactus has bones?"

"Saguaro do. They need reinforcement--they can grow up to 50 feet high."

"So you're sitting on a skeleton?"

"You're not going to tell that skeleton joke, are--"

"A skeleton walks into a bar," I said, "and says to the bartender 'Give me a beer ... and a mop!'"

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Miracle Myx Purrs

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"I think Eddie likes you, Myx." Of course I had no idea what would happen next.

"If by liking me, you mean sniffing, licking, and nudging--then you may be right."

"That's how I judge if someone likes me!" I said. I didn't think Myx would appreciate my remark, but I enjoyed the moment anyway.

"You know I'm gonna take a tumble, Dave."

"At least you're on a soft couch. Think of the recent places you could've fallen."

"Good point. How is Eddie staying awake?"

Eddie was Janee's cat, and literally could not keep his eyes open all day. Last year, during an RV trip I shared to Cape Cod with Janee and her husband, Michael, Eddie slept so much and was so listless the first day, I thought he was very ill. Then, I found he was a "creature of the night." The cat continually pounced on me as I tried to sleep!

"You know 'Eddie' is short for Oedipus," Myx said.

"Maybe we won't go there," I replied.

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Miracle Myx Races On

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"You can't complain about this, Myx." I sounded confident.

"Can't--or won't?"

"I figured I'd give you a little rest after yesterday's encounter with the cactus. See! You're all better."

"So easy for you to say, Dave. You just put me in peril, regardless of the danger or discomfort, and--"

"You look good on that turtle, Myx." Why let him get started? That makes for a long day.

"Actually, this is a tortoise."

Bingo! I'd hit one of Myx's "soft" areas: his endless delight at recalling strange facts that had become indelibly inked onto his synapses because of his synesthesia. Even though he might have seen something just once in print or in person, Myx remembered it exactly, and in the greatest detail. I might as well let him continue.

"How can you tell?" Heh, heh!

"Although both turtles and tortoises belong to the division of reptiles called chelonians, turtles live near the water and entirely submerge themselves. Tortoises live in arid areas and walk on sandy ground. This looks sandy to me, Dave."

"I bet I remember that for well over an hour, Myx," I said.

"I wish I was on a turtle; they have flatter backs. Hurry up before I fall."

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Miracle Myx Gets Stuck

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"OOWWW!"

"Quit complaining," I said.

"This is a bad idea!"

"Our readers will love this shot, Myx," I said. Maybe I was projecting a little too much.

"OOWWW!"

"Come on--I set you down there as gently as I could."

"My ass!" Myx grunted.

"Why don't you dazzle us all with your knowledge by telling us what kind of cactus that is, Myx?"

"URRFF!"

I took the photo and gingerly lifted Myx off the cactus. Wuddaya know? Many of the cactus needles had embedded themselves into the flesh of the book--not only between the pages, but some had even injected themselves into the thickness of a single page for more than a quarter of an inch. It took some time to pick them all out.

"Prickly pear cactus," Myx said. His voice was raspy and tired.

"Hmmm?" I mumbled, distracted by my cactus needle extractions.

"And, Dave, speaking of pricks ...."

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Miracle Myx Meets Maddie

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"I think you've made a new friend, Myx."

"Don't make any sudden moves, Dave."

"Maddie's just playful. She wouldn't hurt a fly," I said.

"Flies I'm not worried about--it's that slobbering tongue ...."

Myx was getting acquainted with Maddie, my friend Janee's dog. She was a black lab that was a bundle of kind energy. She would go "goonie"--run, roll, and prance happily--at the slightest provocation. Right now she was behaving nicely, but provocation was always just around the corner. And, a trouncing for MIRACLE MYX surely was in that same location.

"Just hold still, Myx--and keep your voice down," I said.

"You think Maddie can hear me?"

"You don't want to test it out, do you?"

"Good point," Myx whispered.

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